


One Choice a Little to the Left

by WilyWyvern



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: AU of Jason Todd: The Not-So-Outlaw, AU of an AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Families of Choice, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd Deserves Better, Jason Todd Leaves Gotham, Jason Todd takes his life back, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, The Outlaws as family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilyWyvern/pseuds/WilyWyvern
Summary: A what-if fic centered around Jason choosing to continue globe-trotting instead of staying in Gotham. Inspired by GoAwayOlivia's fic Jason Todd: The Not-So-Outlaw and LananiA3O's The Calling.
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Koriand'r & Jason Todd, Roy Harper & Dinah Lance, Roy Harper & Jason Todd, Roy Harper & Koriand'r & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 15
Kudos: 161





	One Choice a Little to the Left

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Jason Todd: The Not-So-Outlaw](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7601896) by [GoAwayOlivia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoAwayOlivia/pseuds/GoAwayOlivia). 
  * Inspired by [The Calling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12957474) by [LananiA3O](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LananiA3O/pseuds/LananiA3O). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason goes a bit more in-depth about why he doesn't want to go back, resulting in some unanticipated group therapy.

Jason grimaced, looking away form Black Canary as he clenched his fists.

"...Jason?" Kori prompted him.

He nodded to her, signaling that he was fine. Though, whether he was actually fine was up for debate. His heart was in his throat and keeping him from speaking, his palms felt disgustingly warm and clammy even though the med-bay was suitably air-conditioned, and he couldn't quite manage to focus on any one thing regardless of what it was.

Jason closed his eyes and breathed. Just breathed. Because Dinah was both right _and_ wrong.

"Jaybird...?" This time it was Roy asking after him, concern flooding in his voice.

Finally Jason looked back to them.

Kori and Roy both had worry plastered all over there faces. Dinah, though, looked like she was reassessing him. Clearly, she'd seen or thought of something she didn't quite like in the time it took him to get himself back under control.

"You're right. I can't wash Gotham off myself anymore than you or anyone else who's lived there, but let's get a few things straight," Jason said, meeting her eye to eye, "I didn't _find_ myself in that godforsaken cesspit of a city; I _lost_ myself even further than I already had when I returned in the first place."

"You wanna know where I found myself?" He asked rhetorically, gesturing to himself, "I found myself on a deserted island when a princess with a golden heart decided to save my miserable backside instead of leaving me to die."

Jason heard Kori gasp, but didn't take his eyes off Dinah.

He kept going, "I found myself in a Qurac prison, sweating my balls off in the middle of nowhere, saving the hide of someone I've admired since we first met."

Roy made a sound like someone punched the air out of his lungs, but Jason still kept his eyes on Dinah. If he didn't, he wouldn't be able to keep the ball rolling. He'd be too damn embarrassed about being so cheesy.

"Gotham is many things, but it isn't home -not to me, not anymore. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize this, but home," Jason repeated the word as he made quotations with his fingers, "-home- doesn't have to be a single building or even a city. Home can be whatever vehicle Roy hotwires while we're on the road, Kori's spaceship, our island, or even some dinky little hotel room we choose to stay in for a night or more. Home isn't a location so much as it's the people who care about you as much as you do them."

Jason laughed bitterly before hissing and clutching his side. He sighed, "And that right there is part of the issue: they either don't care or, if they did, they don't anymore. Maybe they did at some point, but they stopped somewhere along the line."

"I've done some pretty shitty things to them, I'll freely admit that, but do you know the difference between me and them, Canary?" He asked Dinah seriously.

Dinah looked at him, obviously debating on whether she wanted to take his bait or not, before ultimately deciding to go along and ask, "No, I don't. What's the difference between you and them, Hood?"

"I've made an effort to do better and play by their rules, kinda mend the bridges, y'know? Yet they've barely made any effort to do the same."

"And that's something that upsets you."

"That's an understatement. It's _one_ of _many_ things they do that pisses me off. You wanna know what drives me up a fuckin' wall, though?"

Roy and Kori glanced at each other, wordlessly glancing between themselves and Jason. Dinah, though, took a seat in one of chairs left in the room for visitation purposes at this point. Rather than saying anything, she nodded her head for him to continue.

"They treat me like a dog. I'm supposed to come when called and obey orders, but I still get hit with sticks and rocks even when I do what they ask to the letter. Then they wonder why I never come around and the cycle repeats itself."

Jason pulled his uninjured leg up to his chest and laid his head on his knee, still facing Black Canary. "I'm not a dog, and I'm tired of only being wanted when I'm conveniently useful."

"You use the word 'they' a lot. Who is 'they'?" Dinah asked patiently.

"Mostly Batman and Nightwing, as well as the newest Robin who likes to get his digs in." Jason hummed, "Aside from them, I'd been slowly patching things up with Red Robin. Working a few cases with him here and there. He and I had a few prickly moments, but I like to think we were doing pretty well together before the Big Bad Bat chucked me out of the city."

"It's primarily the men you have issues with then? What about the women? Do you have any problems with them?"

Jason shrugged. "Not as far as I'm aware. Out of what... seven... eight women -including your group- I only really know Barbie, and I've never had any issues with her. The other ladies could be great or they could be awful for all I know about them personally, and at this point I don't really care. That, and I don't wanna go getting into their business or have them getting into mine. I'm not willing to put up with B's bullshit for any of them on the off-chance one of them _might_ be willing to tolerate me."

He paused for a moment, then said, "Hell, if they're anything like you or Barbie, I just might bet they'd probably tell me off for putting up with B's bullshit regardless of whether it was for them _or_ myself. Barbie was notorious for telling B off for all kinds of shit all the time before... well... you know."

Dinah nodded, "She still is, and you're right; all of them, especially Batwoman, would tell you off for putting up with anything from Batman on their behalf. Each of them can handle him just fine on their own."

"And speaking of Batman," she said, "Why don't we go back to him and the other boys?"

Jason finally looked to Roy and Kori, who'd been quiet the entire time.

Kori met eyes with Roy before she nodded back at him. "I think you should tell her, Jason."

"Yeah, Jaybird. I know you've got your own brooding thing going on, but I think Dinah could help," Roy added.

Jason scrunched his nose and rolled his eyes at them. "I don't brood, but you know what? Fuck it, I'll tell her."

"Starting off, I'd just like to say that I don't entirely hold Robin solely responsible for every bad encounter we've had," he admitted, "Assassin-trained or not, he's still a kid. I know B and Dickwing talk shit about me behind my back, and there isn't a doubt in my mind that whatever they've said about me has had an impact on how he interacts with me. Kids learn from their parents and rolemodels and, if either one of them treats someone like crap, they're gonna follow that example."

"You hold Batman and Nightwing responsible for his behavior," Canary stated.

Jason waved his hand in a 'so-so' gesture. "Partially. The vast majority of it comes from being raised in the League, but they definitely have a place in it because there are quite a few things he's said to me that he couldn't possibly have gotten from anyone else."

"Is there anything else about Robin that bothers you? Or anything he does?"

"Other than the fact the role still _exists_ and has chewed through two or three more people after what happened to me? No. Not really."

"What about Nightwing then?"

"I have a laundry list of the shit he's pulled that pisses me off. You want it in alphabetical order or just the most infuriating things? Just warning you now, we'll be here for at least another day and a half if you go with the first one."

"Whatever you're most comfortable with."

"The most infuriating things it is then."

Jason rolled his neck and shoulders to rid himself of some tension. "First and foremost, I'd have to say the least of his worst offenses would have to be the gaslighting."

"Gaslighting?" Roy furrowed his brow. "Someone remind me what that means."

"Gaslighting is something people do to manipulate others into questioning themselves, particularly after someone confronts them about something. It's the flipping of responsibility or blame from one person to another, and it's meant to discredit whoever is doing the questioning," Black Canary explained.

Roy grimaced, meeting eyes with Jason and Kori before looking back to Dinah. "Yeah, I can second that. It's definitely something Nightwing does a lot. Get defensive and put the blame for anything on anyone other than himself, I mean. He'd pull that crap all the time back when we were still Titans."

"So it's not just me he pulls that shit on?" Jason raised an eyebrow.

"Nope."

"Glad I'm not alone then." 

Dinah directed her gaze over the three of them. Though they all seemed to be on the same page, Kori still looked a bit reluctant to her.

"Starfire, is something wrong?"

Kori shook her head. "No. Just... trying to remember if that -the gaslighting- was something Nightwing ever did with me. Things are still foggy sometimes. Though, that's another thing for another time."

"Alright," Dinah said easily, her eyes turning back to Jason after lingering on Kori for a few seconds longer, "As you were saying, Hood?"

"Yeah, thanks," Jason answered.

"Another thing he does, or rather did, is leave me high and dry in the middle of things," he continued nonchalantly, "Not too long after I came back, during something of a reprieve from the Lazarus Syndrome when I was still killing people yet somewhat reasonable in some manner, I went to Dick while he was living in New York. You remember reading or hearing anything about there being two Nightwings or Nightwing killing people? Well... that was me. Anyway, while I was there, we worked on a case together that resulted in an alien taking over my body and turning me into some sort of fugly anthropomorphic octopus-thing (not fun by the way). Rather than helping out the person he claimed to be his brother, he ditched me to go do something else. Needless to say I managed to get out of the situation, but, yeah, just not a fun time all around."

"Not gonna lie, that sounds really fucked up, Jaybird," Roy commented, a disturbed look on his face.

Jason snorted. "That's cause it _was_ fucked up, Roy."

Kori huffed, "He shouldn't have left you like that, Jason."

"Starfire's right, Hood," Canary agreed, "Regardless of your capability, the relationship status between the two of you at the time, or even your past violence, Nightwing shouldn't have left you in that state. The appropriate protocol for something like that would have been to call in an extraction team for the separation of yourself and the alien and the detainment of said alien, yet he did no such thing. Leaving you like that was not only a failure to provide assistence to someone in need, but also an irresponsible breach of Justice League rules and regulations in terms of intergalactic laws provided by the Lantern Corps."

Surprise took over Jason's face, his eyes doing magnificent impressions of dinner plates. "Are you telling me I could actually sue him for leaving me like that?"

"You'd have to either create a new civilian identity or return to your old one and file your case in an intergalactic court, but yes, you could."

"Well, rats. Guess I'm out of luck," Jason said, having absolutely no intention of ever 'returning to the land of the living' so to speak, but contemplated the notion of suing Dick Grayson anyway and promptly laughed out loud. "Can you imagine the look on Nightwing's face upon getting slapped with the suit though? Priceless."

Roy immediately burst into cackles while Kori and Dinah chuckled.

"All jokes aside," Jason went on as their laughter faded out, "Hands down, the worst thing Nightwing has ever done to me was throw me in Arkham. I spent several _months_ in that hell hole, literally down the hall from the man who murdered me."

Dinah tilted her head and pursed her lips, "When was this?"

"Around that time everyone thought Batman was dead when he was actually stuck in time."

"Why Arkham instead of Gotham City Penitentiary, Blackgate, or even Belle Reve? Even back then, from what I've heard, you weren't mentally ill -you planned things out far too meticulously for such a verdict. You're homicidal and traumatized, yes, but not ill."

Jason shrugged for a second time. "Nightwing doesn't seem to think so. I'm pretty sure he's called me everything in the dictionary synonymous with crazy by this point."

"Yes, because he's totally licensed to be the judge of that." Dinah snorted.

A smirk spread across Jason's face. "Course not, but since when has a lack of a license for anything ever stopped any of us in the vigilante business, much less Nightwing of all people?"

"Touché."

"Anyway, yeah," Jason sighed, "That covers Dickwing -for the most part."

"Which leaves Batman...," Dinah said calmly, "Though, that's only if you want to keep going."

Jason shook his head. "Makes no sense to stop when I'm over halfway through. I started in on it; I might as well finish."

"I've told these two about most of the crap B's pulled before," he said as he gestured to Kori and Roy, who nodded in confirmation, "So what's telling one more person?"

Running a hand through his hair, Jason sat up straight. "My relationship with Batman has _always_ been complicated. I mean, fuck, he plucked me, some random punkass kid from Crime Alley -the very place where his parents were murdered- right off the streets and introduced me to the life of high society. That in itself came with its own issues, but they weren't the ones that needed to be addressed most. I had -and still have, to be honest- anger issues and trauma from having to fend for myself for over three years that I should have gone to therapy for. He knew this, but, because he was rightfully scared of me running off and because I was an eager-to-please dumbass, he gave me the mantle of Robin instead."

"You consider yourself partially at fault for the problems between the two of you," Dinah observed.

"Oh, I know I am. Batman may have been the one to pitch the idea, but I'm the one who took him up on his offer. It takes two to tango, Canary. You can say 'I was just a kid' all you want, but that doesn't mean I'm exempt from the consequences of my own decisions. Being the ballsy brat I was, I'd have snagged the Robin suit regardless of whether I had his permission or not and gone out anyway -been there, done that even. If anything, him training me had more to do with him wanting me to be able to protect myself than him wanting me out fighting with him."

"That being said, despite the bullshit he thinks and continues to spew about it, my death wasn't my fault."

"Of course not, Hood." Dinah said, shaking her head. "The Joker is an unpredictable psychopath. The day you died could have gone any number of ways. In none of those ways would you ever be at fault."

"Try telling that to Batman and everyone else involved with him," Jason snorted. "He's apparently been using my death as a cautionary tale ever since Red Robin replaced me in the pixie boots."

He sneered, his voice as bitter as a lemon while he spoke, "Something a lot of people don't know is that my death was a set-up."

"Okay, okay, wait a minute before you get started, Jaybird," Roy interrupted, holding up his hands, "I need a bit of context. All you told us before was that Joker ambushed you in Ethiopia. How did you get there and why did you go?"

A cheeky grin stretched across Jason's lips. "How did I get to Ethiopia? I used the credit card Bruce gave me and bought a plane ticket, that's how."

Roy's mouth fell open. "Dude! What the hell? That is so unfair! Ollie never gave me a credit card!"

"That's 'cause he's a dick, Roy."

"True."

"But, back to your second question of 'why', the entire reason I'd gone to Ethiopia in the first place was because things were going to shit between me and Batman. He had benched me after accusing me of pushing a rapist, a real piece of work named Felipe Garzonas who had diplomatic immunity, off a balcony, and I was more than a little pissed because he wouldn't believe me when I said I didn't. The most I had done was spook him by landing on the railing, but because the guy was higher than a kite, he'd backed away from me and fell over it. Batman arrived not even a second later and because I'd stretched my arm out to catch Felipe, it looked to him like I'd pushed the bastard instead."

"Certainly there must have been some way to prove your innocence, Jason? What about cameras?" Kori asked.

Canary answered instead. "Unfortunately, there weren't a whole lot of CCTV cameras around Gotham back then. More than before Batman started, but definitely not as many as there are now that Oracle is around."

"That is incredibly frustrating."

Jason huffed, "Understatement of the decade; try being me back then."

"Yowch. I think I'll skip, Jaybird. No offence." 

"None taken."

"Back to you, Hood?" Canary prompted.

Jason hummed and went on. "During that time, while we were arguing, Batman claimed I wasn't his son anymore -the hell I wasn't, he'd legally adopted me by that time- and I, having been tired of his shit already, started looking for any biological parents I may have had left and found my biological mother, Sheila Haywood. I ended up not having to do much snooping because Batman had already looked into her, where she was, and what she was doing. He must've not gotten very far at that point, because what he had was surface information: she was a doctor volunteering her services in Ethiopia and the Joker was blackmailing her into smuggling drugs out of the country. Well, that was a big fat lie; she'd already been 'voluteering her services' as a cover to smuggle drugs out of the country before the Joker had ever come along. So, of course, when I heard Batman say the Joker had gone to Ethiopia and that I wouldn't be going with him..."

"You used your credit card, bought a plane ticket, and went anyway."

"Exactly. Not without getting caught by Batman when I got there though. He did tell me not to go in the warehouse alone, to wait until he'd finished with another case somewhere else, but how the hell was I supposed to do that when the woman who was supposed to be my mother was in trouble?"

"And that's when she lied to you and lured you into the warehouse, ...where Joker beat you and left you to die." Roy said quietly.

"While she stood by and watched." Jason added sourly.

Kori scowled and hissed, "That woman is no mother. She is undeserving of the title."

"Yeah, won't argue with you there," Jason grumbled, "I guess my first clue should have been the fact she left me with my drunkard of a biological father."

Roy hung his head in his hands. "Jaybird, I'm not gonna lie. The longer you talk, the more I'm starting to think life has it out for you, if not all of us."

"I wouldn't be surprised if it did, honestly. Unfortunately, Batman blaming me for my own death on top of Garzonas' is only the tip of the iceberg."

Jason turned his eyes back to Dinah. "You remember when I first came back, Canary? When I was still doing the whole crimelord shtick?"

"I do, vividly. Oracle had been absolutely furious an unknown was able to avoid her sight for as long as you did, and had ranted my and Huntress' ears off until your big reveal." Dinah deadpanned, earning herself an unrepentant grin in return.

"Did Batman ever tell anyone what happened that night?"

"Not a whole lot. All I've heard is that it involved the Joker and the two of you fighting."

"That's the gist of it," Jason confirmed, "Long story short, I lead Batman on a wild goose chase through Gotham, we fought, and I yet again ended up getting the raw end of the ordeal. A few details he probably never bothered to include in his debrief though would have to be that I snatched the Joker while he was in transit thanks a deal he made with Black Mask and that I held him captive in an abandoned apartment that would be -was- the final destination for our confrontation that night. To put it simply, I made Batman choose; my life or the Joker's. Hell, he could have even chosen to let me kill Joker myself. It was a test of whether he cared or not, and he didn't just utterly fail, he completely fucking tanked it by slicing my neck open with a batarang."

Dinah's calm and cool demeaner shattered to bits and gave way to stunned disbelief. Her mouth fell open and her eyebrows rose until they could go no higher. "He _what_?"

Instead of repeating himself, Jason tilted his head to the right to give her a clear view. He typically kept his neck covered by his armor, but since that had been removed in the process of treating his wounds, it was in plain sight. There, the scar spanned from just beneath his larynx to the back left side.

"Thankfully, I was able to get to someone who was able to patch me up in time, though I nearly died again from blood loss. Aside from that, I spent the next month after the fact brushing up on my sign language because my vocal cords had been nicked. The doctor I went to told me if the batarang had hit any higher, I'd have likely been rendered completely mute."

"What the hell was he thinking?" Dinah asked rhetorically as she massaged her temples.

"Fuckin' beats me, Canary," Jason admitted, "Let me know if you ever find out."

He then laid back in his cot, shielding his eyes from the harsh cieling lights. "I think I'm done? The only thing left that comes to mind is that time he called me a failure in his will, but I'm mostly over that. Batman's made it plenty obvious how lowly he thinks of me, so I kinda feel like that's just frosting on the cake? He was already showing it with his actions, so he probably thought he might as well have come out and said it."

"Wow, what an asshole," Roy groaned as Kori face-palmed, "He just had to get that last word in, didn't he?"

"On top of reminding me of all the shit I went through while on the streets as a kid, yeah."

"This is off topic, but do you have anyone in your circle in Gotham, Hood? Anyone at all?" Dinah questioned.

"Uh..., not really? At least no one who isn't also part of Batman's circle. There's Red Robin and maybe Oracle? We've already talked about them though. I guess there's Agent A, who's like a grandfather to me, but hell would freeze over before he ever left Batman's side either."

Jason could see the gears turning in Dinah's head before she spoke, "After hearing your side of things, I've changed my mind. Distance, like that you've been getting while on the road with Kori and Roy, is probably the best route for you."

"However," she continued after a smile had started working its way onto Jason's face, "that isn't to say I think you should forego stopping in Gotham completely."

And there was the catch.

"Hood, as wonderful as Kori and Roy are, you _need_ more than just them. With the three of you parting to recover in different places, you're going to be on your own for a vast majority of the time and that will only hinder your healing process. Now more than ever, after everything the Planet Eaters have drudged up, you _need_ support; you _need_ people to talk to and you _need_ healthy ways to cope in the up-coming fallout if you want to have any hope of making a better life for yourself."

Jason swallowed anxiously. "And? What are you thinking, Canary?"

"I'm thinking you should go back to Gotham for a month or so and rebuild some bridges. You mentioned earlier that you had been getting along with Red Robin and haven't spoken to Oracle since you came back period. Talk to them, and talk to your grandfather. You don't have to stay in Gotham, but extending an olive branch will give you more options of people to talk to when you can't get a hold of Roy or Kori."

After a few minutes of contemplation, Jason asked, "What's Batman's current status?"

"Off-world and likely won't be back until sometime around Christmas."

Jason considered this information, then nodded. "I'll give it a try. No promises on anything more than that."

"That's all I can ask for," Dinah conceded, "Though, on another note, you also mentioned therapy earlier... would you be open to seeing someone? I can see about putting together a list of potential options for you if you'd like."

"I... Maybe?" Jason said as he bit his lip and glanced away for a short moment. "I think they'd have to meet a couple criteria before I'll even think of it."

"And those criteria would be?"

"No ties to Gotham and especially no ties to Batman. Sorry, not sorry; I refuse to risk any rogue Harleys or Stranges. I swear it's something in the water."

An amused tilt quirked Dinah's lips. "It's a deal then. I'll find some suitable therapists for you to choose from and you'll stay in Gotham for at least a month to reconnect and heal before leaving to find your new home."

Jason looked at Canary with wide eyes before he directed a glare at Roy. "I see where you got your dealmaking skills, Harper."

Roy, the smartass, just grinned and laughed at his misery.

**Author's Note:**

> This deviates from JT:TNSO starting in Chapter 4, during the conversation with Black Canary. Jason is a bit more obstinate about returning to Gotham even if it seemingly ends with the same result. Also, because DC Batfamily canon is a clusterfuck, I'm kinda just taking things and not really caring whether they happened pre-crisis, post-crisis, or in New 52. Enjoy.
> 
> [For context: this starts directly after the paragraph " _Black Canary was undaunted. “From what I can tell, that’s where you found yourself again, Hood. And it’s your home. Those of us from Gotham? It doesn’t leave us. And yeah, maybe you’ll leave for good one day, but you haven’t made your peace with it yet. So either go back and claim your home and rebuild your life, or go back, make peace with it, and go find your new home. Either way you need to go back.”_ ".]


End file.
